QUICK NICKS

NICK AND KEV
 
Nick had a unique on-air relationship with his producer, Kev, and this lead to many an amusing interchange between the two during Nick's shows. Below are just a few of these.

 
Kev falls in love
Nick : Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with ?
Kev : Err...err...yes.
Nick : Really ?
Kev : Yes, but it was about three years ago.
Nick : With someone who works here ?
Kev : No.
Nick : I don't know, you said no a bit too quickly there.
Kev : Actually, no, no...
Nick : I think we've uncovered something that we should delve into deeply
Kev : Don't make me call you Nicholas !

Kev's mum and Kev's legs
Nick : Ok if anyone's got any 'you're so fat' jokes then please send them in, the fax number is 0541 59 69 79, we want Kev's mum to get *really* upset with Kev.
Kev : She's already upset.
Nick : With you ?
Kev : No, with you.
Nick : with me ?
Kev : Yes.
Nick : It's got nothing to do with me.
Kev : Well technically she's upset with me for being associated with you.
Nick : See, there you go.
Kev : But it's your fault.
Nick : Me ? What the hell have I got to do with it ?
Kev : You're the presenter, the air talent.
Nick : I like it when, erm, because that's an American phrase, air talent and bosses are starting to use it over here but they always snigger as they say it.
Kev : Our boss does while describing you as a matter of fact.
Nick : Yeah, the air talent they smirk. (laughs) The sales talent.
Kev : Sales talent ?
Nick : Sure, the sales holes (laughs) That's not my phrase, that Neil Rogers, the sales holes and they will be known as that for ever more. They are very nice people. They scare me to death when I go through there because they don't know who I am.
Kev : Are they talking to you yet ?
Nick : No, they peer at me...Who the hell are you ? 'It's Kev's mate again' they say. Why the hell is he hanging around so much ? Doesn't he have a job to go to ? Because you have to walk through sales to get to where Kev perches on his comedy stool where he's doing whatever the hell he does. What do you do ? He close the door and shaves his legs.
Kev : Actually do you want to see my legs ? I have very nice legs.
(Nellie whistles)
Nick : Yeah, I want to see your legs, come in and show me your legs. (Pause) Stop right there !

Nick's mobile
Kev : One of the guys who works here said ' I've always listened to Nick but one thing about him lately (Phone rings in background) Is that he's gone effects crazy.
Nick : Hang on a minute, my phones ringing !
Kev : What ?!
(Nick laughs)
Nick : How unproffessional ! Kev : Find out who it is.
Nick : Blimey, it's my best mate. (Answers phone) Hang on. Steve ?
(Steve in background : Hello Nick ?)
Nick : Steve, I'm on the air, are you mad ?
(Kev laughs, you can hear Steve mumble in the background) Yeah and now you're on the air as well. I work till 10 on friday.
(Steve in background : "Oh, I'm so sorry." Everyone laughs)
Nick : You're on the air now, national radio.
Nellie : Put it a bit closer
Nick (laughs) : So what have you been up to ?
(Steve says something)
Nick : Why is my phone switched on, I don't know that's a good question.
(Steve in background: I thought you finished at 9)
Nick : No, I finish at 10. So can you call me back later because I'm busy now. I get paid a lot of money to do this.
(Laughter)
(Steve in background : Can people hear me ?)
Nick : Can people hear him ?
Kev : Yeah, we can hear you.
Nick : yes, so I'm going to cut you off beforeyou swear. Blimey, it was my mate Steve.
Nellie : Hi Steve.
Kev : Yeah, thanks Steve, switch your radio on.

Michael Jackson's Daughter
Nick: Michael Jackson had a daughter? How did that happen?
Kev: Err, the usual way, I should imagine.
Nick: I doubt it!

PLEASE NOTE: These transcripts are here thanks to Lewis Gill who spent many a dark night typing them up. What a star.